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Drunk On Christmas Spirits

by Better Promises

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Rebecca Paterson
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1.
I'm a Sexy Penguin 02:31
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We posed for pictures in front of a big Christmas tree Inside of a fancy hotel, Too bad the picture came out blurry We stuck our heads through holiday cuts outs, I was a penguin You we're a snowman. We were cute. You we're cute, you're still cute We were in the back seat of a taxi We were laughing Telling the cabbie to go It was Christmas We were happy Shopping bags in our hands Heads covered in snow You made me try on a scarf and a peacoat Who would have known I'd look sexy in both Or at least that's what you told me Not the new me, but the old me The one you liked The one that was sitting in the back seat of a taxi We were laughing Telling the cabbie to go It was Christmas We were happy Shopping bags in our hands Heads covered in snow I've got an in with Santa clause He gave me one wish, anything I want I should have wished to cure the world of aids Instead I wished to go back to the day That We were sitting in the back seat of a taxi We were laughing Telling the cabbie to go It was Christmas We were happy Shopping bags in our hands Heads covered in snow
2.
Snow One is Going To Ruin Our Christmas 03:50
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No ones gonna ruin our christmas Cause I've got you and that's all I need We could walk hand in hand downtown Sneaking into places that we're not allowed Let's pretend like we're kids again I don't what it is about this holiday spirit But it's bringing out the best in me Through all these christmas lights and christmas trees There's a sense of adventure that I'm rediscovering with you I feel like a 10 year old kid looking for something fun to do We'll make our own traditions this year Hanging out at the beach on christmas night Bonfires and cheap canned beers Singing christmas carols with no end in sight I think this might be the best christmas I've ever had With you right by my side, I mean what more could a guy ask I didn't buy you anything for christmas What I lack in money I can make up in kisses and wishes crossed off your bucketlist
3.
Cold Christmas 03:46
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Cold Christmas It’s that time of the year When Santa flies by on his reindeer And drops nothing down my chimney On this holiday of jealousy It’s a mockery But for once I’m filled with glee Because you taught me Christmas cheer And it’s just a shame that you’re not here And I want to know, Do you miss me? And if I hung the mistletoe, Would you kiss me? Cause I can hear the sleigh bells ring And I can hear the carolers sing But I just want to hear you whisper in my ear Merry Christmas and have a happy New Year So it’s Christmas time again And I don’t want to think about The gingerbread men or the mistletoe It’s so upsetting how I made it this far all winter Without even wishing you we’re here But there’s something about this time of year That brings me down There’s nothing left to celebrate And this eggnog won’t calm my nerves I guess I’ll go for a drive And look at all the decorations in the city Just like you said we would this year I guess Christmas is finally here And I’m Cold cause it’s Cold outside (Please come home) And you’re Cold cause you’re Cold inside (Please come home) And I want to know, do you miss me? There’s nothing left to celebrate And if I hung the mistletoe, would you kiss me? And this eggnog won’t calm my nerves Cause I can hear the sleigh bells ring I guess I’ll go for a drive And I can hear the carolers sing And look at all the decorations in the city But I just want to hear you whisper in my ear Just like you said we would this year Merry Christmas and have a happy New Year I guess Christmas is finally here Yeah Christmas is here So have a happy New Year I guess Christmas is finally here And have a happy New Year
4.
Your Heart is Colder Than the North Pole 01:45
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I hope on your drive back home this christmas You get hit by a big fat big rig But you will still be alive Your christmas spirit will be the only thing that dies I hope you get nothing on your wish list And that Your stocking is full of Santa's piss I hope you drink moldy eggnog I hope for christmas all you get is socks I hope you spill hot coco on your favorite shirt And then your christmas cookies all get burnt I hope that castroville gets hit by a tsunami and then a big fat blizzard But you will still be alive Your house frozen solid in ice Actually that kinda sounds cool, pun intended Like living in an igloo But you won't be happy about anything at all It will be colder then the north pole You'll get frostbite and loose the feeling On all your fingers and toes (it gets worse) I hope someone collapses your gingerbread house And then an earthquake collapses your real house I hope you get trapped between the floor and the roof And in the process you break your neck too I hope termites start eating your christmas tree And then the termites start eating you alive You'll stay trapped there for long enough and no one will find you Until you eventually die I don't care how but I hope you die on christmas day I hope it happens in the most festive of ways Since we are no longer housemates You might as well be dead
5.
Christmas Sucks! 03:41
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6.
Death of CHRISTmas 01:17
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The death of god The death of me The death of everything Keep singing the carols so nobody knows a thing Hallelujah, baby it's cold outside When there's nothing left to believe in I'm taking a holiday From christ mas this year And probably every year to come It's a waste of our time Worshipping the idol of your bible If there is a god He's not like that Hang me like a wreath Cover me with a sheet And ignore me Like the questions that I asked
7.
Do You Want To **** A Snowman? 02:44
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Sam? Do you wanna fuck a snowman? I know it sounds a little bold We'll make one out of snow And fuck it even though Our dicks will get cold We used to be fuck buddies And now we're not I'm starting to wonder why I think we need to fuck a snowman We need to double team a snowman Go away Brandon Okay, bye... (Knocking) Do you want to fuck a snowman I'll be in front, you be behind Eiffel tower near the fireplace Melt of half it's face Then fuck it in the eyes (We could even use the carrot) It gets a little old Sitting in my room Masturbating the days away Sam? Please, I know you're in there, People are making fun of me They say that I can't fuck piles of snow This habits got to go They won't let me be Winter's almost over The Snow is almost gone I know what we've got to do Can we just fuck a snowman

about

I wrote a recorded this whole album on my own (Not including Cold Christmas). The album features 7 Christmas songs that were written over the span of the last four year. I say Christmas songs but perhaps they are just written about Christmas. Just don't expect Happy Bangers errtime. Hopefully this EP is as enjoyable as it is eclectic. Thanks for Listening. Merry Christmas!!!

credits

released December 24, 2014

Album Title Credit: Kevin Hoogerwerf

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Better Promises San Jose, California

Brandon Gross is making music.

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