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Double Vanity

by Better Promises

/
1.
I can make excuses and I can make mistakes But why can't I make any fucking friends Some say I disagree with everything, I'd say that they're wrong Some say I was fooled and I was being led on I read all the letters and the emails, I saw the warning signs I know I should have pulled out but it felt so nice inside I'm not blaming you for everything that happened This isn't a pop punk song I see my faults right beside yours I'm trying to write my wrongs If you just talk to me for once Let me apologize I'll tell you I don't hate your guts Just trying to figure out how to get by Without you by my side (I'm gonna get by) As if I broke my glasses I haven't seen you in days Nicknamed yourself Neil Armstrong and said All you need is space What you meant to say is We should take a break What you meant to say is you don't want to stay What you meant to say is that the place where your heart felt love Now all it feels is hate Why am I hanging on To something that's obviously gone There's a devil dancing on the grave of my first love I'm a man made of tin holding an urn full of ashes that I ought to send into the wind
2.
Bandaid 03:00
I guess this is my new thing Condom wrappers on my bedroom floor Constantly having to change my sheets So that they don't smell like sex anymore But the sex that I'm having isn't the good kind I don't even want to look in these women's eyes It's not that they're not pretty or attractive as hell But every single one is just a bandaid So I'll sleep in a bed with someone new Wishing to myself that it was you Cause I no longer feel love With any new girl that I hook up With There's no amount of alcohol that can fix this But I'll try anyways There's no amount of weed that can fix this But I'll try anyways There's no amount of sex that can fix this But I'll try anyways There's nothing in the world that can fix this But I'll try anyways
3.
Most of the time I just sit and complain about my life Usually drunk, usually crying, usually wishing that I was closer to dying I've been trying to fill a void that's in my life That's why I put you on the forefront of mind This is the closest thing to love That a guy like me could have I know it's sorta bad But it's better than being alone I can ruin everything that is great Or I can hold onto to every dream that we made I can follow someone else's star And fall in love someone else's heart But I choose you Every time I will choose you I hope you feel that you're broken I hope you feel that your stuck I hope you feel that the world has wronged you I hope you want to give up Because in depravity we find hope In searching for love we can know That what we have today Could all be gone tomorrow This is the closest thing to love That a guy like me could have I know it's sorta bad But it's better than being alone
4.
If you wanted to go on a date with your cellphone You could have told me, I would have stayed home And found something better to do If you wanted to go on a date with your cell phone You could have told, I would have stayed home And found something better to do But I really like you So I'll take what I can get I've come to find That there's no such thing as relationship glue No matter how hard I try I find I'm slipping away from you But I know I like you So I'll try to stick with you I like pizza and candy and French fries You like every gross vegetable I could ever imagine But I really like you So I'll eat this shit for you You like smoking and doing drugs The same ones my father has done You tell me it will be fun But addiction runs in my blood And I'm scared to death But I really like you I really do And I'll try to trust you And do what scares me most
5.
I've got bag full of pills to make me happy I take some at night and I take some in the morning And now I'm all smiles and my friends seem to like me But my prescriptions running low and I'm starting to worry I know what I am without these pills Depressed, void of passion and will So streetside doctor keep filling me up I finally see why my dad got so addicted to drugs I'm in college so I guess it's okay At least I can call this an experimental phase And not what it is, me chucking my life down the drain Fuck all the judgment, I'm living day to day I know what I am without these joints I'm depressed and my life has no point So little brother keep stocking me up I finally see why my dad got addicted to drugs It was probably his way to hide the fact that he's broken We all do it sometimes without even knowing I am the victim of my own stupid crime Send me away and let me do my time. I know what I am without these drinks I'm depressed and I hate the life that's ahead of me So Bartender keep filling me up I finally see why my dad became an alcoholic I'm not forgiving you Then I will have no excuse For why I'm such a fuck up At least I can still blame you
6.
Miss Truth 02:48
7.
8.
Mental Vomit 02:39
9.
10.
Maladjusted 01:44
I've been dealing with A lot on my own I was afraid to share Cause I knew you would just go and treat me like a basket case Pat me on the back Tell me it's gonna be okay Well it's not don't lie to me too I'm not feeling safe this time Don't touch me It's nothing you did wrong I'm just untrusting I'm maladjusted for this place I've found I'm stuck in I just want to be happy I mean don't we all But there's a shadow on my souls wall And its not mine And it won't leave I'm not fine I can't sleep Get me high A strong drink Cause I want to die I got in my car last night No seat belt on Drove through 6 red lights With the windows down
11.
I've been there And its awfully hard People are hurtful Love falls apart But Don't Think I'm your responsibility If I kill myself then that's all on me I'm doing my best every single day Sometimes it's hard and I don't want to stay It feels like everything is falling apart But babe it's not your fault (possible girl vox) I've got demons I need to deal with I've got skeletons in my closet I've got lessons that I need to learn And bridges that I ought to burn I fuck up sometimes and hurt the ones I love I wake up often so close to giving up But please know that everything I do That shits on me and not on you I'm doing my best every single day Sometimes it's hard and I cant find the will to stay Everything I Am is fucking falling apart But babe that's not your fault

about

The title, "Double Vanity" has a slew of meanings. Here are only a few

1. A Double Vanity is what you call a bathroom with 2 mirrors (and 2 sinks). With "a mirror", being a basic metaphor of self-reflection, this image allows for multiple interpretations. In one way, there are 2 mirrors that one would look into, seeing multiple aspects of oneself on the journey of self-reflection. This inner dialogue, this striving for self-identity, the confusion of the self, is a major theme.
2. Double, being used as a duplication of the quality of Vanity, defined as "The quality of being worthless or futile" with it's Latin origin meaning -Empty.
3. Vanity also as an adjective 'of, relating to, or being a work (as a book or recording) whose production cost is paid by the author or artist'. Which this album was entirely.
4. Kierkegaard's use of Vanity.

This is a concept album. A story. Stylistically this album is a black sheep. It should sound gross and It should hurt to listen to at points. This is purposeful. The album has a major motif of suicide. That thought doesn't come with much clarity attached to it, nor is it clean or easy to understand. There are many voices and sounds on this album which emulate this confusion. I find that in the process of self-reflection it is very difficult to parse out your own thoughts from the inputs in your life. The album ends on a heavy note. But I'm still here. If you are someone that struggles with these same thoughts I wish I had more positive things to tell you. One thing I do think is that you owe it to yourself to think and talk about it, to reflect on your darkest thoughts with friends, family, a therapist, your partner, A homeless person, an online forum, a complete stranger, anyone.


Lastly, I stole a ton of audio clips from movies, tv shows, songs, interviews, lectures, book/poetry readings, and more. I stole all of these with an attitude of total reverence. Thank You.

credits

released November 15, 2016

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Better Promises San Jose, California

Brandon Gross is making music.

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