Double Vanity

by Better Promises

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about

The title, "Double Vanity" has a slew of meanings. Here are only a few

1. A Double Vanity is what you call a bathroom with 2 mirrors (and 2 sinks). With "a mirror", being a basic metaphor of self-reflection, this image allows for multiple interpretations. In one way, there are 2 mirrors that one would look into, seeing multiple aspects of oneself on the journey of self-reflection. This inner dialogue, this striving for self-identity, the confusion of the self, is a major theme.
2. Double, being used as a duplication of the quality of Vanity, defined as "The quality of being worthless or futile" with it's Latin origin meaning -Empty.
3. Vanity also as an adjective 'of, relating to, or being a work (as a book or recording) whose production cost is paid by the author or artist'. Which this album was entirely.
4. Kierkegaard's use of Vanity.

This is a concept album. A story. Stylistically this album is a black sheep. It should sound gross and It should hurt to listen to at points. This is purposeful. The album has a major motif of suicide. That thought doesn't come with much clarity attached to it, nor is it clean or easy to understand. There are many voices and sounds on this album which emulate this confusion. I find that in the process of self-reflection it is very difficult to parse out your own thoughts from the inputs in your life. The album ends on a heavy note. But I'm still here. If you are someone that struggles with these same thoughts I wish I had more positive things to tell you. One thing I do think is that you owe it to yourself to think and talk about it, to reflect on your darkest thoughts with friends, family, a therapist, your partner, A homeless person, an online forum, a complete stranger, anyone.


Lastly, I stole a ton of audio clips from movies, tv shows, songs, interviews, lectures, book/poetry readings, and more. I stole all of these with an attitude of total reverence. Thank You.

credits

released November 15, 2016

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Better Promises San Jose, California

Brandon Gross is making music.

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Track Name: Grave of My First Love
I can make excuses and I can make mistakes
But why can't I make any fucking friends
Some say I disagree with everything, I'd say that they're wrong
Some say I was fooled and I was being led on
I read all the letters and the emails, I saw the warning signs
I know I should have pulled out but it felt so nice inside

I'm not blaming you for everything that happened
This isn't a pop punk song
I see my faults right beside yours
I'm trying to write my wrongs
If you just talk to me for once
Let me apologize
I'll tell you I don't hate your guts
Just trying to figure out how to get by
Without you by my side
(I'm gonna get by)

As if I broke my glasses I haven't seen you in days
Nicknamed yourself Neil Armstrong and said
All you need is space
What you meant to say is We should take a break
What you meant to say is you don't want to stay
What you meant to say is that the place where your heart felt love
Now all it feels is hate
Why am I hanging on
To something that's obviously gone
There's a devil dancing on the grave of my first love
I'm a man made of tin holding an urn full of ashes that I ought to send into the wind
Track Name: Bandaid
I guess this is my new thing
Condom wrappers on my bedroom floor
Constantly having to change my sheets
So that they don't smell like sex anymore
But the sex that I'm having isn't the good kind
I don't even want to look in these women's eyes
It's not that they're not pretty or attractive as hell
But every single one is just a bandaid

So I'll sleep in a bed with someone new
Wishing to myself that it was you
Cause I no longer feel love
With any new girl that I hook up
With

There's no amount of alcohol that can fix this
But I'll try anyways
There's no amount of weed that can fix this
But I'll try anyways
There's no amount of sex that can fix this
But I'll try anyways
There's nothing in the world that can fix this
But I'll try anyways
Track Name: Better Than Being Alone
Most of the time I just sit and complain about my life
Usually drunk, usually crying, usually wishing that I was closer to dying
I've been trying to fill a void that's in my life
That's why I put you on the forefront of mind

This is the closest thing to love
That a guy like me could have
I know it's sorta bad
But it's better than being alone

I can ruin everything that is great
Or I can hold onto to every dream that we made
I can follow someone else's star
And fall in love someone else's heart
But I choose you
Every time
I will choose you

I hope you feel that you're broken
I hope you feel that your stuck
I hope you feel that the world has wronged you
I hope you want to give up
Because in depravity we find hope
In searching for love we can know
That what we have today
Could all be gone tomorrow

This is the closest thing to love
That a guy like me could have
I know it's sorta bad
But it's better than being alone
Track Name: Don't Do Drugs
If you wanted to go on a date with your cellphone
You could have told me, I would have stayed home
And found something better to do
If you wanted to go on a date with your cell phone
You could have told, I would have stayed home
And found something better to do

But I really like you
So I'll take what I can get

I've come to find
That there's no such thing as relationship glue
No matter how hard I try
I find I'm slipping away from you

But I know I like you
So I'll try to stick with you

I like pizza and candy and French fries
You like every gross vegetable I could ever imagine

But I really like you
So I'll eat this shit for you

You like smoking and doing drugs
The same ones my father has done
You tell me it will be fun
But addiction runs in my blood
And I'm scared to death

But I really like you
I really do
And I'll try to trust you
And do what scares me most
Track Name: Experimental Phase
I've got bag full of pills to make me happy I take some at night and I take some in the morning
And now I'm all smiles and my friends seem to like me
But my prescriptions running low and I'm starting to worry

I know what I am without these pills Depressed, void of passion and will
So streetside doctor keep filling me up
I finally see why my dad got so addicted to drugs

I'm in college so I guess it's okay At least I can call this an experimental phase
And not what it is, me chucking my life down the drain
Fuck all the judgment, I'm living day to day

I know what I am without these joints I'm depressed and my life has no point
So little brother keep stocking me up
I finally see why my dad got addicted to drugs

It was probably his way to hide the fact that he's broken
We all do it sometimes without even knowing
I am the victim of my own stupid crime Send me away and let me do my time.

I know what I am without these drinks I'm depressed and I hate the life that's ahead of me
So Bartender keep filling me up
I finally see why my dad became an alcoholic

I'm not forgiving you
Then I will have no excuse
For why I'm such a fuck up
At least I can still blame you
Track Name: Maladjusted
I've been dealing with
A lot on my own
I was afraid to share
Cause I knew you would just go
and treat me like a basket case
Pat me on the back
Tell me it's gonna be okay
Well it's not don't lie to me too

I'm not feeling safe this time
Don't touch me
It's nothing you did wrong
I'm just untrusting

I'm maladjusted for this place I've found I'm stuck in
I just want to be happy I mean don't we all
But there's a shadow on my souls wall
And its not mine
And it won't leave
I'm not fine
I can't sleep
Get me high
A strong drink
Cause I want to die

I got in my car last night
No seat belt on
Drove through 6 red lights
With the windows down
Track Name: It's Not Your Fault
I've been there
And its awfully hard
People are hurtful
Love falls apart
But Don't Think I'm your responsibility
If I kill myself then that's all on me

I'm doing my best every single day
Sometimes it's hard and I don't want to stay
It feels like everything is falling apart
But babe it's not your fault

(possible girl vox)
I've got demons I need to deal with
I've got skeletons in my closet
I've got lessons that I need to learn
And bridges that I ought to burn

I fuck up sometimes and hurt the ones I love
I wake up often so close to giving up
But please know that everything I do
That shits on me and not on you

I'm doing my best every single day
Sometimes it's hard and I cant find the will to stay
Everything I Am is fucking falling apart
But babe that's not your fault